Sheepishly entering this space again....

Hey Ya'll...

Not sure if anyone is going to see this, because I was doing so great and then dropped off the face of the earth! lol It's ok... The biggest reason I'm writing this blog is to help MYSELF to see my journey, and learn as I go.

After my last post, I decided I was not being wise. I knew my motivation was weak, and it was JUST before Thanksgiving and Christmas... all I was going to do was fail and feel bad and eat to feel better! lol So, I told myself (even though the voices in my head knew it was justification etc etc)... that I'll just "Not gain" during the holidays.  I wont go crazy with wanting to lose, but I'll just work to not gain during that time.

Wellllll..... That didn't work. LOL

So, it's now the new year and I decided to get on the scale. As I stepped on, I was praying, "Just don't be 250+, please don't be 250+".... My weight this morning was 243. I "only" gained 5 pounds over the holidays! WHAT?... If you could have seen the way I was "not gaining" with all that food in my mouth... you'd have assumed I'd be at 250+ also! lol

I can't promise I'll be a weight loss guru, I can't promise I'll be consistent, I can't promise anything at this point. I just told someone today, I know I'm not where I need to be... but I know I haven't given up!

I had a tough and awesome meeting with the cardiologist... where I learned that there was never a reason to fear a stroke due to my condition... There was never a reason to stop working out... the things I had been told were incorrect, and completely altered the face of my life for the past 3-4 years. I stopped exercising because I was told I shouldn't even be walking (and because it was a REALLY nice excuse not to... having them tell me I couldn't because of my heart!). It wasn't the old cardiologists fault that I chose to eat more than my body could burn with our working out... the eating part was my fault, but the misinformation really stinks too.

So, I'm 243 today, and not highly motivated... but highly disgusted with how my pants fit. I wish that would push the internal motivation to change it. I'm not making any grand promises, but I'm trying. I'm not sure how often I'll "check in" here... and I'm not intending to be a widely "followed" blogger here... but this is a place where I intend to come and be honest, and share my thoughts/struggles/achievements etc. :)

One thing I know... my priorities are screwed up. Facebook gets too much time, my house needs more attention, I need to stand up more than I sit at my desk chair!... One thing, for my personal life, is that I need to get back into sitting in my "reading chair." I had a great system going where I'd go sit in a comfy chair in our livingroom and read. I've never been a big reader, but I need to brew my coffee and let some of the Word settle into my heart each day. That is a fantastic place to start, and watch the rest learn to come in line with what is Right and True.

Off I go. :)