STRUG-GLIN

Today is the first day I'm REALLY lookin around my house like, "What can I EAT???" It just hit me, though, something that could be the cause!

Well... there's the whole monthly cycle thing... I think it's the time of the month where I'm just more hungry.

Besides that... I didn't have my shake in the morning like I usually do. I've actually yet to have it at all. I went for a walk with a friend, and she wanted to stop in at a cafe mid-walk. We had an impromptu breakfast. I was going to get some oatmeal, but an omelet was suggested and I figured I'd get more protein that way. I asked for fruit instead of the potatoes and bread. Unfortunately, when my plate came, they forgot about my substitution... and I ate the bread. I only ended up eating half of the omelet and just a couple bites of potatoes, and packaged up the rest for my husband to eat later. I enjoyed the time with my friend. BUT, when we were leaving, I felt guilty for having eaten the bread (with butter and jam)... and I started down the old thought process of, "Well, I've screwed up, so why not just enjoy the rest of the day?"... oh man, that's a doozy of a wrong thought.

I did drink my water as we walked, and I had only had my coffee before that (I know, awful, but we had a rough start to our day and I needed to get my two boys, a class project, and my camera ready to go capture Joe's class play... I ran out of time to eat). So, as I drove home, I realized that I probably wasn't THAT far off from where I should be with my calories for the day. I only ate a little less than half of the omelet, that wasn't huge anyway, and a couple slices of sourdough bread. So, I got home and logged what I ate (as best I could)... (now realizing I forgot about the butter)... and grabbed my water.

BUT... then I grabbed my coconut and started just eating it. Not measuring to know I'm eating the right portion, as I have been. I was feeling a big out of control and not wanting to find control... just wanting to enjoy some nice soothing FEASTING! lol

So, here I am... writing it out, getting it off of my brain and making it somehow more "real" since I have now written it. I'm off to go make my shake, even though it's not really "time" for me to be eating right now... just so I will STOP thinking about food!

Tonight is a busy night with Awana... I'll plan my snacks, eat light, and drink my water... to try to recoop this day.

Oh... one other thing set me off too... I weighed this morning. I hadn't weighed yesterday, and there has not been one day since the beginning where I have gone over calories... but, I was UP in my weight. I know, fluctuation happens, but it messes up my mind and somehow makes me want to eat... which makes me gain, and I go down that bummer cycle all over again.

I'm Done. I will NOT binge eat today, I will NOT think the wrong thoughts about why I should eat or why I shouldn't care... I'm off to "Shake it up" and move on from this struggling morning! Praise the Lord!